You know, I have been working since I was 16. My first job was at Farmer Jack in Southfield, Michigan. I was a bagger. Then I went on to work as a hostess at a restaurant after school and then a sandwich girl at Mr. Pita (maybe I was Pita girl). The point is I have always worked and excelled in everything that I did. If I didn’t excel at it, I didn’t do it!
Some 13 years later, I am having the first “I hate my job” experience. I thought my job was going to be an upgrade from my last job in media/entertainment. It technically was an upgrade “on paper” and pay but overall I hate it. I feel segregated from the rest of the company because we work for a large company but in a specific consumer marketing sector. They make me travel back and forth to New Jersey (I live in NYC) however I work from home every Friday. Not so bad but lately it’s gotten to the point that they change the travel days up with no notice and about a month ago, they completely forgot to tell me the office location was changed. How does it feel when you are outside of the loop? The answer is that it feels sucky. I hate to change-up my schedule with no notice because I have a life and things going on after work like spin class, traveling, and going out. Those things don’t sound too extravagant but it is when it’s planned and ready yet your team is telling you to fuck your plans basically. The problem is that I want to tell them ‘fuck you’ in return. In my prior job, I literally lived for them, let them run my life, and I had a damn good time. Shit, I even gained 50+ pounds from eating all of their free food but I did love that job! This newer job… I hate it. There’s something wrong with the job, the team, and my duties. I just don’t feel right and I never felt right since day 1 but I tried to maintain. I even tried to maintain when I started and another guy on the team left the job – a guy who was supposed to train me.
I am in marketing so I expect to do things centered around … marketing but here they have me working on other things where marketing is now about 20% of my focus. They don’t update me on what’s happening with projects, product tests, and I’m definitely being spied on by a team member. It’s a small team and I’m happy to help out where I can but I just never felt apart of the team. I am the only black girl on the team and the department. Well there’s one black woman who is in her 40s and she’s in the marketing department I think. The department has about 60 people.. That usually doesn’t matter and the only reason it matters now is because they aren’t too found of my hair. Wait, scroll up to the right of the page and look at the curls. That is how I wear my hair on a daily basis. I have straightened it twice in 8 months and each time they have loved and complimented the straight hair all while staring at the curls any other time. They legally can’t say anything about it. When I interviewed, I interviewed with straight hair but my first day I showed up with curls. Is that deceiving? Why yes it is! Or maybe it’s not, it’s just that I change-up my hair a lot. Beyond feeling like they stare at my hair, I do hate being spied on and being literally left out. I mentioned it to my boss Joan (fake name for the sake of this fake person) but she basically didn’t offer any advice. I told her that I’m doing my job and the job of the coworker who is out on maternity leave and she told me “well we all had to do it before”. Bish Whet?
Usually, I welcome a bunch of work, a fast paced environment and pitching in however I can. I used to be a damn workaholic but not here. I actually work have liked to be trained on the work before I do it. Let’s get this straight, you don’t train marketing. The training I’m talking about is on print orders and forecasting models in the exact way that they want to do it. They have rules for everything, there is NO room for creativity. I just hate this job. I may seem like I’m complaining a bit but I’m just voicing my facts, my feelings and creating an action plan of leaping light-years about from this damn company.
The funny thing is that this company is HUGE and legendary. After speaking to some people not there anymore, I found that they hated the company too. It’s not just me but I am open to the fact that I don’t hate the company, I just hate the position I’m in and the people I work with. In fact, I don’t hate the people, I just wish they would fall down the stairs and get bruises. On the bright side, I have an awesome mentor (given to me from their mentoring program) who is a VP of another dept. He’s freaking amazing! He has so much wisdom, is down to earth, and he sees the light inside of me. He actually told me in the beginning to be cautious of my department’s VP. He was right! I also heard and can read online that they are continuing with layoffs. I have never said and will never say again but I do hope to be apart of that.
There was always a feeling of doubt about this job on my end but I ignored it and I will never do that again. A job is a job sometimes and I am certainly not in a position where I have to do things that I hate. I am childless and I can plan correctly if I need to be without a job until I find another one. I love working so I can not waste my talents and my career going into a dead-end road. I only have one life, I need to be happy or at least semi-happy with my blooming career. You know what is going to make me happy? Payday – I do like paydays.
Let me know what you think…