I DO-n’t: My Married Date


I recently decided to start dating again… after two years of not dating seriously. Being out of the “game” for that long, I feel so out of it. I don’t know what to talk about or how to approach them or even where to find men (the type of men I think I like). So I decided to give Tinder a chance. Tinder, you know, the app where you have to match someone in order for you to send/receive messages. I like Tinder, it’s easy and I don’t have to leave my bed to see who’s available. What a way to find men! Trying Tinder, that’s step 1. Step 2 is actually finding someone and meeting up with them in person. I never really intend on actually meeting online men just because they barely make it past a week or two chatting on the phone. This past weekend, I took a huge chance. A guy messaged me to go out for drinks on Saturday and I messaged back on Sunday confirming that I would. Who knows what was running through my mind at the time, but I took a risk.

This guy (Steve) and I met up at a Union Square coffee shop.  I arrive and message him. I sit down and wait. We don’t have one another’s number, only the Tinder app. No reply. I’m thinking that I seriously messed up by taking this risk for being stood up. I see a guy sitting down but i’m not sure if it’s him or not. The waitress is definitely asking to take my order but I tell her that I’m waiting for someone. I really look like the lonely girl in the bar. I get up the courage to go over to the guy and ask him is he Steve. His back was facing me but at a side glance, he was definitely Steve. Finally! It’s Steve. Cool! The waitresses come up to us and say, “we knew you two were waiting for each other”.
Steve and I chat and smile, instantly I think he’s cool because he holds very good conversation. He orders me a few drinks and we are facing with our legs intertwined on bar stools. After my drinks, he asks if i’m hungry. I’m always hungry if I’m on a date, that’s the prefect time to be hungry.

We go to a restaurant in the area and continue our conversation. He again orders me a few drinks. What’s the motivation behind all of those drinks? I accept… it’s free drinks. By this time, I can totally understand how this man is so charming and successful. He’s well-educated, cultured, connected, and is a great listener. I love that in a man!

He then offers to go for a nightcap. I definitely asked him, “what do you mean”. I literally have to make sure that he wasn’t feeding and buttering me up all to end at my home naked. His reply is, “a drink, let’s go to the W Hotel bar”. It’s Sunday night but I agreed. Sundays I usually watch TV while rolling my hair and meal prepping. This Sunday I was hanging out with exceptional Steve. I was pretty proud of myself, I was deterring from the normal plan. Steve and I actually go to an outside bar in Union Square where I have a final drink. By this time, I hate myself because I’ve worked out so hard this week to shed some weight and here I am drinking my calories away. But hey, I only live once. Steve is actually holding my hand and kissing my cheek. Steve finally goes in for an actual kiss so we kiss. We kissed a dozen times. I’m feeling a little weird and he notices. I don’t know this man and we are making out at an outside bar for the world to see. I’m totally shy with PDA sometimes. He think I’m just sexually shy. Okay.

It’s 11:30pm so I finally tell him that I have to wake up at 5am for work. He walks me to my bus and kisses me goodbye.

The takeaways: I still don’t have this man’s phone number, how is he so incredible, this was an awesome and easy date, and I totally want to hang out with him again.

The next day I decide to google prince charming now that I knew more about him. Boy was I shocked when a marriage announcement popped up. Are you kidding me Google? No! The announcement says that he and his wife Kellie were married in 2013. WOW…

The funny part is that she’s also from Michigan, just like me. Kellie was a semi-attractive blond girl to the opposite of my natural hair wearing brown skin. However, there is was no way I could say anything bad about her, she had it all? It’s her husband who sucks! NO I didn’t ask him if he was married and I didn’t see a ring. Honestly, I didn’t know I had to ask men my age were they married. However he wasn’t my age, he was 34, several years my senior. Totally in the marriage age range. In fact, I will be asking all men whether they are married or not. I am entering that era where men may be divorced, separated, have a slew of kids and may even have several wives. Who knows?

Any-who, I have a mini panic attack because now I have tongued down someone’s husband. I message Steve and ask him if he’s married. Hours later he simply says, “Yes, happily so. There are no secrets, I’m on open book”. Um, dude you weren’t open with me. You probably should have started the conversation saying you are married? Just maybe!

Steve says that Kellie knows about the date but they aren’t swingers. I say, “y’all are cool”. Of course I asked were they swingers. I needed to know what position I was supposed to play and why was I chosen. I will never know. The End!

My fabulous date was married. He’s still a fabulous man but he’s just in an open marriage and slightly a liar by omitting the marriage details. I’m not mad at Open Marriage Steve because that type of behavior is okay in his relationship, I’m not judging but I definitely want to be fully aware so I can make my own decisions pertaining it. I’m sure I’ll see Steve around the city and in my future career endeavors. When it happens, I’ll say, “hello there” but I’m definitely not okay with dating married men. This has taught me to ask guys all the damn questions that I want before going out and most importantly, Steve showed me a great effortless date. Thanks Open Marriage Steve! side eye